


waiting to exhale

by charleybradburies



Series: Destiel Week 2015 [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Awkward Crush, Biphobia, Community: 1_million_words, Cultural References, Dean-Centric, Drabble, Episode: s09e06 Heaven Can't Wait, Internal Conflict, Internal Monologue, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Male Slash, No Dialogue, No Sex, Not Actually Unrequited Love, POV Dean Winchester, POV Male Character, Post-Episode: s09e06 Heaven Can't Wait, Pre-Slash, Self-Denial, Slash, Unreliable Narrator, Unrequited Crush, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-08
Updated: 2015-04-08
Packaged: 2018-03-21 20:35:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3704229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charleybradburies/pseuds/charleybradburies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p></p><div class="center">
  <p>DESTIEL WEEK PROMPT: DAY ONE: FAVORITE SCENE OR SEASON</p>
  <p>But what was he supposed to do? Go up to his best friend - who he wasn’t even supposed to be talking to because they and everyone they know is gonna freaking die - and say…what? ‘Please let me make out with you?’ Yeah, <i>right.</i><br/></p>
</div>
            </blockquote>





	waiting to exhale

**Author's Note:**

> A) Written for day one of [Destiel Week 2015.](http://agentroxylancelots.tumblr.com/post/115676058869/dailydeancas-dailydeancas-presents-destiel-week)
> 
> B) Title from the "chick flick" Waiting to Exhale, which is totally unrelated except for the chick flick references and the facts that the name fits and that I like it.
> 
> Thanks for reading!! xx

This was something out of a goddamn chick flick. This was girly and saccharine and fucked up and he was fucked up for letting himself do it. 

But still, it didn’t feel right to just _leave._ He didn’t freaking _want_ to leave. Well, he did want to go back to the bunker…but he wanted to be taking Cas with him. Even more specifically, he really wanted to be _taking_ Cas. 

He was one fucked up son of a bastard, wasn’t he?

Not that being…whatever it was that he was…was fucked up. (Not in this category, at least.) But there had to be some way to handle that like a man, and he certainly wasn’t doing it. Well, in a chick flick he would be the man, cause he’s the one outside in the freaking car acting like a freaking stalker. Waiting for…what _was_ he waiting for?

In a chick flick, he’d be waiting for a wave or something, right? Some…acknowledgment of romantic intention? That couldn’t happen. Cas didn’t know. Cas couldn’t know. And if he did…then this situation was a hell of a lot more fucked up than he knew. 

_That_ was saying something.

But what was he supposed to do? Go up to his best friend - who he wasn’t even supposed to be talking to because they and everyone they know is gonna freaking die - and say…what? ‘Please let me make out with you?’ Yeah, _right._

Dean’s life was _not_ a chick flick. There were chicks around who dug it, sure, but _come on,_ they were usually the exception. Partly because they were always exceptional - innately heroic rather than needing to be built up...they shot before you knew there was shit to be shot, then asked questions, then shot again. Captains who didn’t even think about going down with their ships, but just did it - no questions asked, no urging needed, no matter what side they were sailing for. 

Sometimes Dean wished he were more like that. Like he could feel like he was really _doing_ something. Something _good._ Something that _felt_ good, not fast-and-furious good, but fall-asleep-knowing-you-did-damn-good good.

Oh, shit. Busted - his ass was busted. Gas station chick just saw him. And she’s on the move - but not outside. _Phew._

_Why’d it have to be me? Or Cas? Maybe I could deal with being into a different guy...but seriously?_

_Eh. God wanted to fuck me up._

That’s what it was, wasn’t it? All of this?

Everything, all the shit flying everywhere - it was God and it was angels and it was demons. It was the order of the universe, all its parts, the whims of those who were supposed to sustain it. They were fucking everything up - that’s how they wanted it. They wanted everything so freaking out of control that it made it easier for them to take control. And to be honest, distracting an enemy with a freaking crush was totally a viable strategy.

 _Wait, she’s coming back - with Cas. Shit. Shit, shit, shit, sh - wave._ Cas was waving.

Obviously, Dean waves back - he _wasn’t_ being a stalker, after all, even with a smile as wide as he feels his getting.

Maybe his life _was_ a chick flick. A fucked up chick flick, sure, but this? This was _definitely_ chick flick material.

And when Cas smiles back warmly, everything feels just a little more in order.


End file.
